Thoughtful Thursday: How You Say It Is More Important Than What You Say

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6755EURS2013Everyone knows the mantra, “Say what you mean and mean what you say” and that’s even more important as a traveler!  With language barriers, cultural differences, and even differing means of interpersonal communication – how you deliver a message is just as important as what you’re about to say too.

This week’s Thoughtful Thursday explores how your message should go hand in hand with the delivery!  Check it out below!

Guest Blog Post by Christine Hassler

A friend of mine called me last week and said she had something she needed to tell me. She prefaced it by telling me it was really awful, she was so ashamed, she couldn’t believe she was doing it and that she was so mad at herself. Before she even told me what it was, she was teaching me how to hear it through how she was setting it up.  When she finally did tell me, it did seem like a terrible thing. But that isn’t because what she did was terrible, it was because her delivery method was full of self-judgment and drama.

And I’ll admit that I did judge her. Fortunately I am well trained and was able to get out of judgment ASAP, but was reminded of something very important:

We influence others by HOW we say what we say more than WHAT we actually say.  

Communication is the number one way in which we connect with each other and create relationships.  We all want to feel connected and related. We get this by feeling heard.  And we want to be heard in a way that supports us in our strength, not our weakness.  But it is unreasonable to expect the person that is listening to give us the acceptance and compassion we desire when we deliver it on a plate full of drama and self-judgment.

If you set up your communication with a lot of drama and self-judgment, you are going to be perceived as dramatic and judged. Then when you want reassurance and acceptance from others, it is harder to get. We teach people how to hear us. If we consistently communicate in a victimey way, we are perceived as a victim.  On the contrary, if we consistently communicate in an authentic way, we are giving people the opportunity to see the Truth of who we are.

Consider your delivery method whenever you communicate.  There are the words you are saying and then there is the energy your words are riding on, which is more impactful than the actual words you are saying!

The other thing to consider around your delivery method is when you are highly charged or upset about something. In those moments you probably have something that feels really important to communicate; however, if you communicate it on energy of anger, blame or resentment, the other person is going to immediately get defensive.  And defensive ears are deaf ears.  Save your words for after you get the charged emotion out in some other way.

Remember, your delivery method overrides your words. Check in on the energy you are in before you share something. I understand that this is not possible all the time because in the heat of the moment, words just come out. As your grow in your consciousness, your communication will change. As you become more aware of the Love you are and that you can truly do nothing wrong, your delivery method will become less dramatic and more authentic. And as you become more aware of the Love that we ALL are, the more loving all of your communication will be.

With love,


About the Author:

Christine Hassler left her successful job as a Hollywood agent at 25 to pursue a life she could be passionate about…but it did not come easily. After being inspired by her own unexpected challenges and experiences, she realized her journey was indeed her destination. In 2005, she wrote the first guide book written exclusively for young women, entitled 20 Something 20 Everything. Christine’s second book, The 20 Something Manifesto written for men and women stems from her experience coaching twenty-something’s.

Today, she supports individuals as a Life Coach helping clients discover the answers to the questions: “Who Am I, What do I want, and How do I get it?” As a professional speaker, Christine leads seminars and workshops to audiences around the country. She has spoken to over 10,000 college students as well as to conferences and corporations about generational diversity. Christine has appeared as an expert on The Today Show, CNN, ABC, CBS, FOX, E!, Style and PBS, as well as various local television and radio shows, speaking about life issues and “Expectation Hangovers®” – a phenomenon she identified and trademarked.

Christine is the spokesperson for Zync from American Express and the key resource for their Quarterlife Program which empowers young people to take control of their finances. She also created a life balance curriculum for the Leadership Institute and is a member of Northwestern University’s Council of 100.

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