Bypass the apocalypse that is trying to get tickets.
This is a simple line graph plotting the history of the time it takes for Splendour in the Grass tickets to sell out
Suffice to say 2013 tickets are set to sell out faster than you can say 'by jove they've got a new venue'. Trying to get your hands on these golden tickets may seem like a nice shot of adrenalin on otherwise ordinary day, but if you'd rather avoid it, you can book directly through us.
Miss the part where you have to set up your own tent.
While you're busy matching your head piece to your bag tassels, we'll be artfully and masculinely erecting your tents. If this is a task you prefer to do yourself, may we suggest some equally thrilling Splendour alternatives for you?
• Man vs Wild marathon
• Bear Grylls marathon
• An in-store workshop at an Anaconda store.
Miss the part where you even have to hear the word tent.
If the whole tent thing in general just gives you the heebie jeebies, you can relish in your prerogative and opt for our hostel package (with transfers to and from the event). Ten ton of make-up in your larger than life suitcase welcome.
Avoid lining up for a breakfast of Hungarian Goulash.
Australian Music festivals have really been upping the ante on the food front these past few years, to the point where no one in their right mind would be caught lining up for anything less than Hungarian goulash or a Hare Krishna pitta pocket.
But let's face it, lining up for anything (far less Hungarian Goulash) before 10am is nine parts horrendous and one part soul destroying. We'll have a nice hot breakfast waiting at your campsite as soon as your tender, tired eyes decide it's time to face the blazing sun. No line, no goulash.
Enjoy having a tour manager (and in turn increase your likeness to the actual musicians).
Sure, they won't have baby oil and 24 roses waiting for you in your dressing room, and they sure as hell wont switch the showers to Lightly Sparkling Mount Franklin (from the Zebra striped bottle designed by Jennifer Hawkins, thanks very much), but they'll be pretty damn amazing all the same. Think pats on the back, extra blankets and a helping hand if you end up being "that" festival fool.
Milk our sweet friendships for all that they're worth.
The wings of Inertia Music spread far and wide. Wavves, Grizzly Bear, The Kinfe, Dappled Cities, Sia, The Herd etc etc. We can safely assume that if Inertia doesn't have an artist on the Splendour line-up, the gig's not actually going ahead. Given our long time close knit friendship with them (exhibit A), you can take a stab in the dark and guess we'll be joining forces with our bff's to conjure up some sort of meet-and-greet, back-stage-pass, thing-a-ma-jiggy for a lucky few too. And jiggy you will.
Miss the part where you catch a plane home with people travelling interstate to discuss the state of the Dow Jones (who don't realise Splendour in the Grass is a perfectly legitimate reason to look like LiLo on a bush walk)…
…And get chauffer driven back to Sydney or Brisbane inside the safety of a warm womb, surrounded only by your new friends who "get you" and understand that the time to chat has come to an end. But know that they should stay by your side and pat you anyway, because it makes you feel good.