Picking your travel buddy is pretty much the single most important decision you can ever make in the holidaying world. Pick them right, and you’ve struck gold. Pick them wrong, and oh holy shit, are you in for a fun ride. If you recognise your future travel companions amongst the following, we have one piece of advice – ditch them, stat…
The Control Freak
There’s being organised and then there’s being organised, and when every single millisecond of your adventure is being micro managed before you’ve even set foot on the plane, you know there’s a problem. Do we think it’s sensible to compile a list of to-do’s in each country? Of course. Do we think it’s sensible to organise every lunch, every dinner, every refuelling drink, every toilet break and every outfit for every possible occasion from now until 2035? Abso-bloody-lutely not.
The Nervous Wreck
Yes there are poisonous spiders in Australia. Yes there are wild bears in Canada. Yes there are mosquitoes in Europe. Could they kill you? Yeah, I guess so. Will they kill you? NO! The nervous wreck is an easy one to spot – they’re the ones with no fingernails, constantly googling symptoms on their phones and forever calling home. They’re also not the best ones to have around should your travel plans go awry. Sometimes planes are delayed. Sometimes you get on the tube and go the wrong way. Sometimes you get lost and don’t know where you are. But dude, that’s called travelling. Friggin’ chill!
The Internet Fiend
Oh God, this guy. Of course internet is a desirable when travelling, but to the normal human being, doing without it for a few days, even a week, is actually pretty refreshing. But not to the internet fiend, oh hell no. The internet fiend is the one who judges their restaurant choice on wifi availability. The internet fiend is the one asking for the wifi code before asking where the swimming pool is. The internet fiend is the one who spends their whole sunset beach front dinner scrolling Twitter. The internet fiend will basically piss you the f off. Avoid, avoid, avoid.
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The penny pincher
To the outside world the penny pincher may seem like the ultimate travel companion – thrifty, sensible and smart. But after you’ve eaten at your fifth all you can eat buffet, paid a fortune for printing out 2-4-1 coupons and have been violently sick after drinking those filthy, filthy cheap cocktails, suddenly the penny pincher loses their appeal. Sure you’re on a budget, but occasionally you want a blow out, you want to eat at a restaurant where they don’t put pictures of food on the menu or drink cocktails that aren’t violent blue, so penny pincher, you can do one.
The horn
You know what we’re saying – the friend who just wants to get some. The horn will drop you like a dirty pair of pants as soon as even the promise of action comes along, and what’s more, they’ll see no wrong in doing the deed in your shared room. AWKWARD. Being a wingman is fun for about half an hour, but after they’ve made a speedy departure without even saying goodbye, it kind of gets old pretty quick.
The lazy oaf
Let’s be real, travel can sometimes be hard work. There are early starts, there’s a whole lot of walking, there’s organisation involved, there’s making the effort with people when sometimes you just can’t be bothered. But you do it because you love it – you love the thrill of discovering a new city on foot, or that random night with those total strangers who just so happened to be the coolest people ever. Does the lazy oaf see it like that? Not so much. They’ll moan, they’ll whine, they’ll leave their pants on the hotel bathroom floor every single day, and they’ll wear you down. Lazy oaf, you can stay at home.