Travelling as a nonbinary person: Top tips

I’m at the entrance to the pool, looking from the little triangle with legs to the rectangle on the other side.  My tour group has been travelling around China for a week, and because I’m a water baby every chance I get I head to the hotel pool. This time, in Xi’an, there’s a changing room. Two changing rooms, actually: one for men and one for women.

I fetched my locker key dressed as a boy, but under my bulky hoodie is a sports-bra swimming top and minishorts. If I go in the men’s I’m outed as soon as I undress. In the women’s I’ll be stopped for my mustache and copious leg hair. I could run upstairs and shave but it would take an hour — and part of me stubbornly resents the idea of having to shave at all.

This mental calculus will be familiar to any nonbinary traveller, and my choice in this moment will determine how the people I encounter treat me, often in ways I can’t control. Being nonbinary adds an extra level of complication to an experience already equal parts excitement and stress, and with my ten-year ‘nonbinaversary’ coming up next year, I’ve had a lot of mishaps – from being refused a haircut from a men’s barber in Ireland to struggling to refer to myself in Italian – but a lot of joyful moments too! Here are my best tips for travelling as a nonbinary person for anyone in a similar position to me, needing some guidance and reassurance.

How do I know if my destination is safe?

So, you want to travel the world, and you want to do it out and proud – at the same time, you want to choose a destination that offers a welcoming atmosphere as well as fun and excitement. These are some things to consider.

1. Look for places with trans-friendly governments

It can be hard to tell if your destination is safe, and whether you’ll feel safe and relaxed while you’re there. But research helps, and luckily a few recent surveys and articles make that relatively easy.

Unlike my experience in China, a trip to Malta earlier that same year was one of my best ever. I can’t even point to a specific anecdote, though stumbling upon a queer open mic night in a café in Valletta remains a core memory. It was more that, no matter where I went or how I dressed, my gender was just not a Thing. Even though my girlfriend and I spent about 40% of our time in swimsuits, I was able to move through the world like a cis person might, not because I was pretending to be a man or a woman, but because the place I was visiting accepted and accommodated people like me.

You won’t be surprised to learn Malta ranks number one worldwide in terms of transgender safety, in a 2023 survey by journalists Asher & Lyric Fergusson, with constitutional protections for gender identity, low hate crime, and legal recognition for nonbinary and trans people. A number of countries legally recognise a third or nonbinary gender, though not all of them have high scores on the trans safety scale.

2. But remember the law doesn’t always reflect local realities!

In Samoa legal protections are ambiguous, but trans people are socially accepted. In the US right now our rights are hanging by a thread, but this changes place to place: on a recent trip to New Orleans, I spoke with a couple of trans Human Rights Campaign canvassers who told me the city is the third-safest in the country for transgender people. While I was there I saw lots of visibly queer people out and about, and like in Malta, I felt recognised in a way I rarely had in any other destination (and booked myself an impulsive tattoo to commemorate that feeling!).

Safety often comes down to specific locations and the people you’re with: I have genderqueer friends who’ve travelled in places that score “low” on the trans safety scale, like Taiwan, Japan or Mauritius, and had no trouble – and as a tourist you’ll always be somewhat insulated from the everyday material conditions of a place.

In the end there’s only so much you can control or account for. Do your research, and if you can, speak to people who’ve been there for details like the prevalence of gendered changing rooms. But at the same time, try not to let questions of safety dominate your decision. You deserve to see the world, and provided you’re avoiding destinations where your life or freedom could be at risk, you should go where you like!

3. Some destinations to check out

Word-of-mouth is always useful, so here are some of my and my nonbinary friends’ best destinations:

• Malta
• Canada
• New Orleans, USA
• Amsterdam, The Netherlands
• Barcelona, Spain

How to feel comfortable on your trip and in your travel group

1. Blend in or be myself?

In China, I made a deliberate decision to try attracting as little attention as possible, wearing plain men’s clothing whenever I could. I’m transmasc and lucky not to get severe dysphoria, so this wasn’t too much of a chore, but for someone who does experience dysphoria, and the dissociation that can go along with it, going stealth is just going to prevent you from being fully present and immersed in your destination, which defeats the purpose of travelling at all!

Again, that mental calculus: do I travel as myself, or try passing to make things easier? I’d recommend packing clothes, makeup, etc. for both possibilities. You’ll be able to check the vibe once you arrive, and decide from there how you want to present to feel most comfortable.

2. Seek out people like you

Feeling comfortable often comes down to making an active decision to put yourself in environments or situations that make you feel comfortable. My next piece of advice is to seek out queer spaces like bookshops, bars, museums or club nights. Anything you can do at your destination to feel seen and understood will put you more at ease. Six-Two has a whole page dedicated to LGBTQIA+ Travel, with advice for queer travellers on where to stay and what to see in Barcelona, Cape Town, Paris and beyond.

3. Travel with other nonbinary people!

The final thing I’d recommend is, if you can, to travel with other nonbinary people. For most of my life, I’d never even dreamed this was possible, but earlier this year I was lucky enough to go on a retreat with 12 other trans and nonbinary writers in the Scottish Highlands. We spent a week writing, hiking, and just hanging out, and it was one of the best experiences of my life. The ease and joy of being truly myself while exploring a new place brought the travel experience to a whole new level, and the people I did it with will be friends for life. I want every nonbinary person in the world to have that experience!

Contiki caters to a wide audience of travellers, and hosts an annual pride trip, this year to the Greek Islands. There are also a number of tour companies catering specifically to queer and trans people, including Moonlight Experiences, a travel group curating LGBTQIA+ experiences and events, founded by Contiki contributor Aisha Shaibu-Lenoir.

Should I come out to my group?

If passing as a man or a woman is an option for you, you may choose not to share your identity with anyone else in your group. I’ve often been the sole trans person in my travel group, and unless asked directly I generally don’t feel the need to share that information. Coming out is an act of trust that makes you vulnerable, and it’s entirely your decision: you don’t owe it to anyone.

I will also say, though, that it can be a profoundly isolating experience. If there is someone in your group — a friend or your Contiki Trip Manager — who you trust enough to come out to, I encourage you to consider it. If you’re on a Contiki, you’ll all be under 35, so it’s likely the people in your group will have at least heard of nonbinary gender, and Contiki’s focus on diversity and inclusion increases the chances your group will be supportive and inclusive.

For practical purposes, coming out to your Trip Manager will help them if they need to advocate for you for whatever reason. But travelling with people who really see you can also just be liberating! It can relieve the pressure to self-censor and allow you to fully participate in group activities, as well as providing support and friendship in the event of a bad experience.

Travelling solo

Travelling solo always makes me feel observed: I measure myself against everyone around me. How well am I blending in? Are people staring? Is it because I’m trans or just a foreigner?

Solo travel is an intensely introspective time, with a kind of loneliness to it that I’ve grown to love, but it can also be fraught, especially for a marginalised person.

1. Choose your destination carefully

One of the ways I’ve found the most peace and joy in the last few years is through immersing myself in nature. There’s something profoundly healing about losing track of time in a Norwegian forest or a Tuscan Escape in the countryside; the trees and flowers don’t care how you look or what gender you are!

If you’re more of a city person, I’d even more strongly suggest seeking out LGBTQIA+ spaces and experiences. Get chatting with the people you meet there and ask questions about the scene. You’ll better understand the experiences of queer people in the place you’re visiting, you might find something to do or see that you wouldn’t have otherwise, and you might even make some new friends!

2. Consider going stealth just some of the time

Since safety often comes in numbers, the stakes are a little higher, and it unfortunately becomes the responsibility of the nonbinary traveller to ensure their own safety. If I’m not sure I’ll be welcomed, or just want to avoid dirty looks, I’ll wear what I cheekily think of as a “disguise” —  for example long pants and a mask to cover my mustache and leg hair —  to pop quickly in and out of a gendered restroom. Consider packing something that will help you blend in and keep safe in gendered spaces, and if you’re flying, make sure to keep them in your carry-on.

3. Give yourself an exit strategy

Finally, trust your intuition. If something feels unsafe or even just uncomfortable, there’s nothing wrong with quietly removing yourself from that situation.

Tips for cisgender travellers

The “rules” for treating nonbinary people respectfully are a lot like the rules for travelling: be open to difference and don’t make assumptions. Seasoned cisgender travellers will already have some of the tools to understand and embrace nonbinary identity, but there’s some tips and terminology to be aware of.

The words nonbinary and genderqueer both describe people who are neither men nor women, and there are as many ways to be nonbinary as there are nonbinary people. It’s fine to ask a person what pronouns they use to refer to themself, but keep in mind that not every culture or community is having the same conversation around pronouns that we are here in the anglophone west, and trans, nonbinary or third-gender communities around the world conceptualise sex and gender very differently. Asking respectful questions is okay, especially if the other person brings up the topic first.

Just like before visiting a new country, it’s a good idea to do some research on your own time– rather than subjecting the nonbine in your tour group to Twenty Questions! Generally speaking, if you approach the world around you with curiosity rather than fear and mistrust, you’ll do fine.