Another year, another banger of an HBO show is streaming and ready to sky-rocket Cordyceps to the top of Google’s trending searches. That’s right, we’re talking about The Last of Us, the video game turned TV show that single handedly launched a global PR crisis for mushrooms, and has left us all wondering “WTF am I going to do?”. As if Mondays weren’t bad enough already.
But seriously though, if you’re anything like us (a group of responsible, level-headed adults), then you are terrified and frantically trying to come up with a last minute survival plan. Fear not, for we have prepared the perfect packing guide for life’s next greatest adventure: escaping the infected and returning to a more primitive way of life.
Time is ticking so grab your sturdiest backpack and without further ado, here are the 10 essentials for your Zombie Apocalypse experience!
Image source:Denny Muller @ Unsplash
1. Fresh Water
An absolute staple of human survival, water has been at the top of these listicles since the beginning of mankind. Have you noticed how survivors always look so glowy in apocalypse movies? You might think it’s one of those unrealistic beauty standards people are always going on about, but it’s not. Hydration is key. Just remember to use a refillable bottle, we don’t want to damage the planet even more.
2. First Aid Kit
Let’s not lie, that first-aid kit with some plasters, a roll of gauze, and various ointments isn’t going to be very helpful while your friend who’s been bitten is writhing on the floor in pain, desperately trying not to eat you, and screaming to save yourself out of the love that still lingers in their slowly dying heart. Nor will it be able to mend your soul as you’re reeling from putting your friend out of their misery, watching as they fall asleep, just like they used to during your childhood sleepovers, this time eternally. But, if you trip and scrape your knee you’ll have exactly what you need. Pack it anyway.
3. Car Battery
Oh, you thought zombies were slow just because they’re dead? Think again, as per our intelligence zombies are highly trained athletes. The only way to out-run a Clicker is on wheels. So bring that spare battery that you obviously have lying around. Good luck finding one if you forget, you can get one from the black market, but they’ll have you do some pretty dodgy stuff. All that desperation and greed. Some human traits just don’t fade even in the most dire of times…
Image source:Denny Muller @ Unsplash
4. A Wok
In true dystopian fashion, all the supermarkets will be raided or taken over by mutinous hoards of survivors. For health and safety reasons it’s best to stick to some nice homemade dishes, so you’re going to want some meal-prep equipment. Could be a wok, we prefer it for batch cooking and stir-frying these mysterious fungi we’ve been finding all over the place, but it could also be a pot if you prefer pasta, or a skillet pan for some deliciously basted steaks.
Just because the world is ending doesn’t mean you and your remaining friends don’t deserve some down time. Gather some kindling, spend approximately 10 minutes trying to get the flint to spark, et voila, you have your very own fire to sing songs around (this will also help with that cooking we talked about). This fire source will become your favourite place to let time pass and reset any enemies coming your way. That’s the Contiki guarantee! Names for this cool new area could be something like ‘The Base Camp’ or ‘Bonfire’ or even something really unique and poetic like ‘Site of Grace’. Oh wait…
Now, listen, desperate times call for desperate measures. You probably want a weapon to protect yourself with. We’ll do you one better. Here at Contiki we do not condone brute force or excessive violence, but we care about your safety. Defence is the best offence, is it not? A riding helmet to keep those precious brains safe. A mediaeval shield to hold the zombies back, or taser to shock some sense into them maybe? A dental dam, the OG barrier against orally spread disease!
7. A Daily Planner
In the midst of all the excitement, it’s easy to lose sight of what life is really about: fulfilling your dreams. Maybe there’s a company you want to start or a book you’ve always wanted to write. Now is the time and your daily planner will help you stay organised. Curating a solid routine is crucial to instilling a sense of normalcy. Activities in your planner might include foraging, treating the wounded, gathering potential investors, strategies for spreading spores, etc. Really make it your own and keep your passions close!
8. A Friend
By far the worst thing about the Zombie Apocalypse is the intense loneliness. Wandering across wastelands and navigating through all the social unrest is just so much more fun with a travel buddy tagging along. Imagine all the future inside jokes you’ll have. Bonus points if your travel buddy is a random immune girl or even an alien baby with telekinetic powers, like in that one show with the guy who… Oh dear, I’ve referenced the wrong franchise again. My brain must be a little scrambled today.
9. A Military Grade Flashlight
This just in, wilderness camping is the newest lifestyle trend (stay tuned for our tips on that)! We’re sleeping outside, in the dark, and while that’s cool and all, the dark can be really scary. Like, terrifying. Those zombies could just jump out and attack from nowhere. With a military grade flashlight you’ll be able to keep an eye on your surroundings and spot us, uh, I mean them, coming from miles away.
Yummy, yummy brains. Do you know how many nutrients the human brain has? Mmmmm, I’m salivating just thinking about them… Did you pack yours? Where are they? I can smell them, come here, we just want a taste.
Image source:Daniel Lincoln @ Unsplash